As Time Goes By Read online

  ‘If it’s because I’ve been late a time or two, then I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again,’ Sally pleaded desperately. She couldn’t lose this job; she couldn’t. ‘Please give me another chance.’

  Charlie’s face had gone red with discomfort.

  ‘I’m sorry, lass, but I can’t. You’ll soon find another band to sing with, happen one that will take you on as solo singer. You’ve got the voice for it.’

  Sally wasn’t taken in for one minute. If he really thought that then why was he so keen to get rid of her? She remembered that there had been some gossip about the band leader and Patti being a bit closer than they ought to be with Charlie being a married man, but she had dismissed it as nothing more than gossip, but maybe she had been wrong. She knew that Patti didn’t like her, and the other girls had warned her that she had it in for her. But she had not been expecting this!

  ‘Here,’ Charlie said awkwardly, reaching into his pocket and removing his wallet ‘Take this.’

  Sally’s eyes widened as she saw the twenty pounds he was handing her. Her pride badly wanted her to refuse, but twenty pounds was a lot more than three Saturday nights’ wages, and more than she could afford to turn down.

  ‘You know what I’d do in your shoes?’ He was smiling now, obviously relieved to have an uncomfortable interview over and done with. ‘I’d ask around some of the other dance halls, and see if there’s anyone looking for a singer. I’ll even put in a good word for you with the manager here, if you want.’

  He seemed oblivious to the woodenness of Sally’s quiet, ‘Thank you.’

  It was true that there were other bands that played at the Grafton – several of them – but Sally hadn’t heard of any of them wanting new singers. The fact was that every girl with a half-decent voice was looking for work in the hope that it might get her into the BBC or ENSA, the Forces’ entertainment arm, and turn her in to another Vera Lynn or Gracie Fields.

  ‘Not rehearsing then, Sally?’ Patti called out maliciously when Sally was forced to walk past the band on her way out.

  ‘You’re back earlier than I was expecting,’ Doris greeted Sally on her return. ‘Not that I’m not glad. Molly’s dad’s bin round to say that Molly’s bin that restless she reckons the baby might be about to start.’

  Sally managed to force a wan smile. Why hadn’t she noticed before how tired Doris was looking? And any day now, by the sound of it, Molly was going to need her help with her new baby. Perhaps instead of looking for another singing job she should be thinking instead about asking the foreman what the best shift to work would be to enable her to get both her boys places at the nursery Littlewoods ran for its workers’ children. The problem was that with so many women wanting places, there just weren’t enough to go round, unless you agreed to work on an unpopular shift. Sally even knew of mothers who worked nights and left their children at home alone asleep in order to do so, and then worried themselves sick all through their shift in case anything happened to them. But her children were far too young for her to be able to do that, even if she had been able to bring herself to.

  But after what the doctor had told her, Sally felt she couldn’t go on expecting Doris to look after them. After all, she and her kiddies were nothing to Doris, not like Molly and hers.

  ‘I’d better take these two home then,’ Sally told her mechanically.

  ‘Are you all right, Sally, only you don’t sound like your normal self.’

  The temptation to tell Doris what had happened was almost too much for her, but she made herself shake her head.

  ‘Oh, I nearly forgot, did you hear the news on the wireless about them poor kiddies before you went out?’ Doris asked.

  ‘No. What’s happened?’

  ‘It was Albert Dearden who told me about it when he came round. Seemingly a Luftwaffe bomber has dropped its bombs on a school this morning, with the kiddies in it. Somewhere down south, Petworth, I think he said it was.’

  Sally pressed her hand to her mouth to stifle her shock, whispering in disbelief, ‘Oh, no!’ and hugging her sons to her so tightly that Harry wriggled in protest.

  ‘Eighty-five boys, there was in it, and they aren’t holding out much hope of getting many of them out alive.’

  Sally badly wanted to sit down. It didn’t take very much imagination to realise how those poor mothers must be feeling.

  ‘According to Molly’s dad they was saying on the wireless that the pilot must have known it was a school, he was flying that low. There’s nowhere that’s safe for children these days unless you send them off into the country somewhere … That reminds me,’ Doris continued, ‘I heard from one of the nurses the other day that Dr Ross lost his wife and kiddies in a bombing raid. Seems that one of the kiddies was rescued but died later in hospital. Poor man. Seeing as you’ve come back early, I think I’ll pop down and see how Molly is. I wouldn’t want to miss out on delivering this one when I’ve delivered your two and our Lillibet.’

  Sally forced another smile. Bad as the news she had received this morning had been, it was nowhere near as bad as what those poor parents in Petworth were having to face. Or what Dr Ross had had to endure. Sally tried to imagine suffering the loss of one of her precious sons and acknowledged that it was impossible to imagine the extent of such grief. Kiddies were so precious, and so vulnerable, especially in a city like Liverpool, with its docks. Who was to say that the Luftwaffe wouldn’t come back and blitz Liverpool again? And German bombs weren’t the only danger to her children. Without the money she earned from singing how would she manage to keep up the payments to Bertha Harris? She had believed that Liverpool and this street were her home; that she had a place here where she belonged and where she was a part of a close-knit and caring community, but she wasn’t, was she? As Daisy had pointed out, she was in reality an outsider.

  As soon as she got home she tuned in the wireless, waiting to hear if there was any news about the bombed school. The dreadful fate of the children, along with Doris’s comments about Dr Ross’s wife and children, were weighing even more heavily on her than the fact that she had lost her job. At least things couldn’t get any worse, she told herself in an effort to pull herself round.

  Sam was acutely aware of the silence from the other girls as she walked into the dormitory, though she pretended not to be.

  Lynsey, who was busy painting her nails, had turned her back towards her and it was left to May to say overbrightly, ‘We were just talking about going dancing this Saturday—’

  ‘You mean you were,’ Lynsey interrupted her. ‘Like I just said, I’ve got a date with a certain sergeant.’

  ‘I thought you said you hadn’t heard from him.’

  ‘That was yesterday. I found out where he was working and I just happened to be walking past, so naturally when he saw me he made a date.’

  ‘Are you sure it was him that made the date?’ May queried wryly, before turning back to Sam and continuing, ‘Well, anyway, if you want to come with us …’

  ‘I won’t, if you don’t mind,’ Sam told her quietly. ‘It doesn’t seem right, not with Mouse …’

  Out of the corner of her eye Sam could see the looks May and Lynsey were exchanging.

  Lynsey told her sharply, ‘Look, you can go round with a face like a wet weekend if you want to, but don’t you go expecting the rest of us to do the same. If you want to know the truth, some of us think we’re well rid of her, getting us into trouble all the time.’

  Ignoring her, Sam asked, ‘Does anyone know what’s happened to … to her or what arrangements …?’

  Putting down her nail polish, Lynsey stood up and turned towards her. ‘Didn’t you hear what I just said?’ she demanded acidly. ‘We don’t care about what’s happened to her, all we want to do is forget about her and we’re sick and fed up of you going round with a long face trying to make us feel guilty. There’s some of us who feel a whole lot happier and more comfortable now that she’s gone. Got right on my nerves, she did, and like I’ve bin saying, an
yone with a halfpennyworth of sense could see that there was summat a bit wrong with her in the head, always going on about that bear.’

  ‘There was nothing wrong in her head. She was lonely and frightened, that was all, and if people like you hadn’t turned their backs on her and pretended not to notice what Toadie was doing to her, and been a bit more understanding, then she’d probably be alive today,’ Sam defended her late friend passionately.

  Lynsey’s face went red and then white. ‘I’ll have you know that the captain herself told me she was pleased that some of us had had the good sense to see what was what. No wonder the two of you palled up. Neither of you fit in and if you was to ask me I’d say it was a pity we’d only got rid of half of what’s bin causing trouble for us all.’

  Sam recoiled as though she had been hit.

  ‘What’s going on in here?’

  They all stared at the corporal.

  No one had heard her coming in and Sam’s face was as pale with strain as Lynsey’s was red with temper as they both turned towards the door.

  ‘Oh, you’re back, are you? Thought you wasn’t due back until tomorrow. Well, seein’ as you are, you might have come and told us, instead of sneaking in like that,’ Lynsey announced angrily. ‘Still, now you are here, you can tell her what we all know.’ Tossing her head in Sam’s direction, Lynsey picked up her nail polish and marched out of the room, leaving a highly charged silence behind her.

  ‘All right, what’s all this about?’ Hazel demanded. Despite her own distress Sam could see that the corporal looked tired and not very happy, and she wondered if perhaps things had not gone as well between her and her chap as she had hoped.

  It was Alice who answered, Hazel grimacing faintly and looking uncomfortable as she explained, ‘May was asking Sam if she wanted to come dancing with us this Saturday, and Lynsey took the huff a bit when Sam said that she didn’t on account of … of what’s happened.’

  Hazel’s face tightened. ‘Before I left I told you all of the captain’s instructions that that certain matter was not to be discussed – by anyone.’

  Sam could feel the weight of the other girls’ accusations in the silence that followed.

  ‘I … it was my fault,’ she admitted guiltily. ‘I didn’t realise. I hadn’t been told…’

  ‘Well, you have now,’ Hazel told her shortly.

  *

  ‘I’ve never seen a nipper in that much of a hurry to be born. Took me by surprise, he did, never mind his mother,’ Doris chuckled. ‘A big ’un, he is, an’ all. I weighed him meself on Molly’s kitchen scales and he was nearly ten pounds.’

  ‘Have they got a name for him yet?’ Sally asked as she handed Doris the cup of tea she had just poured for her.

  ‘Well, as to that, Frank was saying that him and Molly had talked it over and said beforehand that if it was a lad they’d call him Edward Francis – that’s Francis for our Frank and Edward for young Eddie that Molly was engaged to and got killed. Teddy, they’re going to call him. You should have seen our Frank’s face when he came in for his tea. Couldn’t believe his ears, he couldn’t, when he heard the baby crying. He was up them stairs two at a time.’

  Sally looked away. Ronnie had been granted leave after Tommy had been born, but he hadn’t even seen Harry.

  ‘At least Molly wasn’t in labour for too long,’ she told Doris.

  ‘Maybe not, but little Teddy came a bit too fast for my liking,’ Doris informed her, switching from adoring grandmother to trained and experienced nurse and midwife. ‘Molly lost a fair bit of blood and I was getting to the point of thinking she’d have to go in to Mill Road before it stopped. She’s going to be feeling weak for a while, though, and it isn’t going to be easy for her, looking after a new baby and getting her strength back, what with rationing an’ all, and then she’s got Lillibet to look after as well.’

  Sally could see that Doris was now looking a bit uncomfortable, and couldn’t quite meet her eye, and she guessed what was on Doris’s mind, so she took a deep breath and, trying to sound casual, announced, ‘I’ve bin thinking for a while that Molly might need you to give her a hand once she’d had the baby. You’ve been good to me and my boys, Doris, treating them like they was your own, but fair dos, they aren’t. Molly’s two are your own blood and it’s only right and natural that you should want to do everything you can to help, especially with it turning out that poor Molly’s not too good. I’d feel the same meself if I were in your shoes. So what I’ve done is, I’ve decided to pack in me job at the Grafton.’

  Resolutely Sally ignored Doris’s exclamation.

  ‘And I’ve had a word wi’ the foreman on my shift and told him how I want to switch to a shift that’s got spare places in Littlewoods’ nursery for my boys. He reckons that I’ve just dropped lucky and he can get me in on a daytime shift that’s short-handed because a couple of girls on it are in the family way.’

  ‘Oh, Sally!’ Doris looked relieved. ‘I’ve bin worrying that much about not wanting to let you down when Molly had this new baby.’

  ‘I should have said something earlier,’ Sally told her, hoping that Doris couldn’t hear the bleakness in her voice and guess how she was really feeling. Of course, Doris’s own grandchildren came before her boys, just as Molly came before her, but she still couldn’t help feeling a bit raw on her boys’ behalf. They thought the world of Doris.

  ‘You should see Lillibet with the baby, Sally. A proper family, my Frank’s got now. And as for little Teddy, hardly dropped an ounce, he has, since he was born. Really bonny, he is, and strong. You should see him kicking away. And he’s that good, Sally. Molly was saying how she has to wake him up for his feed at night he’s sleeping that well.’

  Sally smiled and nodded as she listened to Doris’s proud grandmotherly praise of the new baby. She could understand Doris’s feelings, but at the same time she couldn’t help thinking how lucky Molly was to have a grandmother like Doris for her sons. Ronnie’s parents had both died before they got married, and her own mother was not the doting grandmother kind.

  ‘Have you heard the latest news about that school?’ Sally interrupted her, wanting to change the subject. When Doris shook her head, Sally continued, ‘There’s thirty-one kiddies dead along with two of their teachers. They’ve got some of the others out alive but injured.’ She gave a fierce shiver. ‘It doesn’t bear thinking about.’

  ‘No it doesn’t,’ Doris agreed fervently, before continuing, ‘Did I tell you that little Teddy is the spitting image of my Frank when he was born? Oh heavens, is that the time?’ she exclaimed guiltily. ‘I’d better get back. I promised Molly that I wouldn’t be long. Did I tell you about our Frank, Sally? Like a dog with two tails, he is, and no wonder.’

  Doris couldn’t stop herself from talking about the new baby, and although she tried hard to look enthusiastic, Sally’s heart was heavy with sadness and envy. Maybe if she’d gone back to Manchester after her two had been born they would have had a doting grandmother, not that she could really see her mother in that role, and besides, she had a houseful now with Sally’s younger siblings living there with their own families.

  She had been so happy here and had felt so safe. But those feelings had been stolen away by the war and by the problems it had brought her.

  ‘Fancy a cup of Horlicks?’

  Sam looked up as Hazel put her head round the sitting-room door, where Sally was on her own, reading.

  Before she could accept or refuse Hazel came in and sat down beside her.

  ‘Look, don’t go taking what Lynsey said to heart. She doesn’t mean any harm really. If you want the truth I reckon she’s fallen hard for this sergeant, and since he isn’t running around after her like men normally do it’s making her crabby.’

  ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t realise we weren’t to talk about Mouse,’ Sam apologised woodenly.

  ‘You weren’t to know. I’m glad I’ve caught you on your own. I’ve been wanting to have a quiet word with you. You’re the sort the
ATS needs, Sam, but there are some things you have to understand. Sometimes it’s in everyone’s interests to have a fresh start. Like with you and Lynsey. Nothing’s going to bring Mouse back. We’re at war, Sam, and in wartime people do, say and think things they wouldn’t do normally. Sometimes …’ she stopped. ‘Sometimes, Sam, we all have to make decisions that we may not really want to make. We have to cut away from situations that are hurting us and aren’t good for us, and draw a line under them for our own sake and for the sake of those around us. Sometimes life is unfair and unkind. War teaches us that, Sam.’

  Sam knew that there was a lot of good sense in what Hazel was saying. She had heard her own brother voice much the same sentiments.

  ‘You and Lynsey were good pals when you were first posted here.’ Hazel’s voice was persuasive now.

  ‘I thought we were,’ Sam agreed.

  ‘I reckon part of the trouble has been on account of you dancing with her sergeant,’ Hazel said unexpectedly.

  Sam was too astonished to conceal her disbelief. ‘But I explained to her that he isn’t interested in me, and I’m certainly not interested in him.’

  ‘He danced with you when she’d been expecting him to dance with her, with it being the last dance of the night and everything. Lynsey isn’t the kind who would take kindly to something like that. In her eyes, him dancing with you showed her up. She isn’t used to coming second best; it’s other girls who are jealous of her normally, not the other way round.’

  ‘She doesn’t have to be jealous of me. I—’

  ‘You might know that but I reckon Lynsey isn’t convinced. If you want my opinion, for all that she won’t admit it I think she’s finding it harder to get this sergeant to fall for her than she expected. For once she’s the one doing the chasing. The other girls can see that and they’re not slow to tell her so, especially May. It’s bad for morale when girls fall out over a chap. Lynsey isn’t as tough as she likes to make out and my guess is that she feels pretty badly about Mouse, even if she isn’t saying so.’